FOREWARNING: THIS CONFESSIONAL HAS TERRIBLE FORMATTING BECAUSE I ENDED UP LOSING IT ALL SOMEHOW AND HAD TO CTRL Z OR WHATEVER IT BACK INTO EXISTENCE. IT'S LIKE 7 PAGES LONG SO I'M NOT GOING TO FORMAT 7 PAGES WORTH OF CONFESSIONAL SRY I MEAN YOU CAN IMAGINE THERE ARE PRETTY ITALICS AND STUFF THERE BUT THERE AIN'T NO WAY I'M DOING THAT AFTER WRITING SO MUCH I AM SO TIRED AND TOOK PRECIOUS HOURS OUT OF MY SLEEP ALREADY TO GIVE YOU WONDERFUL TIME WITH ME 
I NEED MY REST IM SRY.
guess what IIIIII gottttttttttt
you'd be so surprised
really
no jk. BUT IT'S STILL PRETTY AWESOME LOOK AT HOW SHINY AND BEAUTIFUL IT IS OMIWORD.
god do you know how happy i am that i have this? ME? i am so happy. i thought i had no chance of getting it...then i randomly had an epiphany mid confessional. that was amazing. i am so amazing. seriously. can we all just agree on that? cus it's so true.
I mean, lets just label me the tsg idol whore because this is my third. <3 I am so amazing. I love how I get idols in nearly every game I play lul, I have so much star power. I mean, there's only three games i've never gotten idols in and one was the one time i was out premerge, the other was a time when I never got the chance to go to the basically equivalent of exile island and get a chance to find it, and the last there were no idols period so. But I won that game so it's cool.
anyways enough of me preaching about how cool i obviously am
Imma pick up where we left off which i dont even remember so I have to scroll down and look. oh okay. whatever I'll just start from after I found the idol, I can't remember what else I was gonna talk about to be honest.
So, i found the idol, and then I checked AIM...where...Cao Boi just logged on. CAO BOI??? WTF??? DIDN'T HE DIE OR SOMETHING??? Seriously, it was shocking af. It was like the last thing I ever saw coming, but there he was, in the flesh. i was shocked, but here he was. He said he needed a break or something after morgan and shane were cunts to him I guess which okay. Morgan told me he was cursing her out calling her a bitch sooooo IDK if she's lying or not but chances are you're not innocent in this Cao LOL.
Anyways, i immediately apologized and was like OMG I AM SO SORRY FOR VOTING COACH, THOSE SCUM ON THE OTHER TRIBE ALL TRICKED ME AND ARE GOING TO WIPE US OUT ONE BY ONE
which may or may not be true i'm thinking yes actually but either way this gets him on my side so it doesn't matter what the truth is.
I think it worked
He seemed receptive and forgave us in the group chat and seemed to understand. either way i doubt COURTNEY apologized bc she has been saying she wanted Cao gone so hopefully even if things go awry for the two of us who campaigned for his exit, she would be the target and not me. thats really all that matters is not being on the bottom, if i'm second from the bottom then oh well, but i'm not on the bottom and that's what's important. even if i'm not everyone's number one allies (i actually dont think i'm anyones which is a problem indeed) i can be their number two or three and that works just fine for me getting through to the merge. I can worry about finals crap later bc i feel like those plans have been severely lacking, but w/e it's a long game with a long way to go so I don't mind.
anyways the whole team was like OMG WE HAS TO FIND THIS IDOL IT IS SO IMPORTANT TO SAVE JOHN K. And i rolled with it and pretended like i didn't submit, because you know, I wanted my idol to be for me and hope. i was gonna tell her and no one else to prove to her she was my #1 and if it fucked me in the ass, oh well, clearly my game would have been flawed from the start for having her as my #1.
So everyone started searching and pitching ideas. Me, cao, jefra, and cochran in the middle of the morning. I gave a bunch of trash ideas that were so far from the truth. No one even came close to figuring it out which is hilarious. I feel so smart that I pulled it off while everyone else seems so in the dark about it. I'm so amazing ^_^ but yeah eventually cao boi came up with this honestly RIDICULOUS hypothesis about it being a color hex and because it was red blue and green it was someone who is on those tribes in survivor all stars.
...
...
...
I'm serious lol
...
seriously wtf.
everyone was calling him a genius and he assigned us all to guess diff people...like...lol. :l
i got assigned shii ann, ironically enough, and then i went to bed after "sending in my message". i got the actual message saying CONGRATS U GOT THE IDOL JAX YOURE SO FREAKING COOL and literally celebrated and jumped up and down for like half an hour. i pretended i didnt get anything and was like OH NO which could have been a bad thing but i came up with a perfect excuse later because i'm an evil genius deal with it
so yeah i went to bed
and then woke up to everyone in the group chat freaking out that the idol had been "claimed" and cochran and jefra were running around demanding screenshots from everyone. i had literally 20 messages from jefra in my aim list going "JAJCAJCALJACLNALYNLFJ ACN ALC LC BNLACL YL ALCJACLYN LACHJCLJCAL NACL JCL ACLYN WHERE YOU ARE XOXO" and you know I kind of just sat there in the group chat for an hour debating what I should do. I REALLY wanted to photoshop a "INCORRECT" message but it was impossible because the proboards clock is literally the stupidest thing in existence.
So what I did was just log on, act confused an "INCORRECT" message was even a thing, and pretend i got nothing last night.
What I said was that I assumed I didn't get anything because I got no message! The host must have sent it late, since I actually got the idol. Hehehe. So I logged on, checked the board, and was like...OMG LOL GUISE I GOT IT. Boom. Everyone bought it hook line and sinker as far as I could tell, and they immediately elected...Cao Boi...king...for being so smart to figure it out. This was hilarious to me because his guess was so random and far off from what the actual answer was I couldn't help but cackle. To further make him feel good I said "wow the host must have picked the first boot of the season just to make it so we'd be thinking it was unlikely." Lololololoolol. Spoiler alert the answer was james fricking clement you crazy people.
I feel kind of bad for Cao Boi because he thinks he was this genius who figured it out and when he realizes how horribly wrong he was in the future...well, his ego will take quite the blow lolz. :x I actually like him now that I've spoken to him more but yeah he's gonna feel like an idiot in the future. He's not that bad tho IDK why all of his tribe hated him so much.
Anywho, everyone wanted to give the idol to John K. I was like um, bitches, fuck no, this is MY idol. Well I mean I didn't say that but I thought it. Anyways, I did everything in my power to convince them giving him the idol would be a waste. Somehow they figured out we had an idol as our treasure trove item and i want to HUG whoever leaked that because LMAO!!! It gave me the opening to say "Oh wow, but guys now that they know, they might just split the votes
" and that got them totally hooked in.
And see, for some reason they thought they'd split this round...and not next...and thought they would get rid of Pete this round, then John next and we could give him the idol then. lol wtf how does that make any sense THEY ALL THREW THE CHALLENGE EXCEPT FOR HIM. And since I knew John K felt safe I got his input to say he thought he could pull it off
and so I said well he probably doesnt need the idol then. Plus if we gave him it, they'd just throw again - but I only said that to the intelligent people like Courtney who would realize it as truth and not flip their shit.
They all fell for it. I got to keep my idol! Ahahaha. GOD YES. Did I want to give my immunity idol to John Kenney? Helllllll no. We barely spoke strategy and while I enjoyed some personal talks...THAT WAS LITERALLY IT!!! We rarely spoke strategy, and we weren't really that close at all - why would I keep him around if A): It doesn't benefit me strategically, and B): We're not that close personally? It would be idiotic to play an idol on him when I could just keep it for myself in the future. Everyone thinks we're playing My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic but no, this is survivor get it together lol.
Anyways yeah blah blah blah stuff happened that I dont even remember, people worshipped me and Cao Boi(for totally wrong reasons btw he doesn't deserve that worship and i do
god people so disrespectful i am the true idol goddess WORSHIP ME PLEBEIANS) and then people freaked out cuz of the other tribe knowing we had the idol found and everyone was like OMG WHO COULD IT BE. I tried figuring it out too but lbr it was probably Cochran because he sucks.
I even compiled a list as to why someone would tell them(idk if they told them it was me who had the idol, but it was the color code they knew and morgan was like LOL I KNEW IT WAS THE COLOR CODE TEEHEEHEE lol that idiot, no it wasn't) BUT this gave away someone was telling them a ton of shit and they probs know I am the idol queen now too which fuckin sucks but w/e I will slay them all. I don't trust them anymore bc frankly Its obvious id probably be like #5 or #6 so to hell with all the original loaseki's minus cao boi he's actually okay. But the rest suck and we have dubbed them THE AXIS OF EVIL which is totally righteous. We need a cool name too but no one is helping me come up with one the skanks.
Anyhow whatever i'll post in here to show my logic behind thinking/not thinking ppl were a leak.
BOB
k stop right there it would be so stupid of him to do it bc he openly hates them all and wanted to fucking slay all of them, he loves cao boi and hates the rest it would be so dumb for him to anything like that. NEXT why would you even ask about bob ffs
CAO BOI
lol he has been abandoned by them 8000 times and wants revenge and has been bullied and fucked with by them for ages, he wouldnt, gimme a break. also morgan is running around saying he did it and if he was leaking things WHY WOULD SHE SAY WHO THE LEAK WAS such bs sorry im not that retarded, morgan. NEXT.
COCHRAN
well cochran kind of objectively sucks and its obvious why he was an alternate at this point bc he really is just awful, but yeah i think he could do it. idk the motive but the only thign saying he couldnt is cuz apparently he liked john k and wanted me to play the idol on him. but yea um i dont trust his snaky fucking ass. after morgan said cao boi did it he immediately hopped on the GET CAO OUT wagon which i dont like at all it reeks of opportunism and ive played enough mafia to know hes probably just taking advantage of the situation and is probably the dick who did it himself. also hes hated us girls from the start and probably for whatever stupid fucking reason wants to go be 7th place with the axis of evil over having a chance at making it far with us. well okay id want him to be 7th with us too but still come on idiot ffs he is such a cochran. he sucks end of story, BYE. ffs talking about this guy gives me brain tumors NEXT.
COURTNEY
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i guess she could have because she wants me to work with morgan and her but yeah idk. i dont think she did BECAUSE SHE WAS OFFLINE SO IT'S KIND OF PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE UNLESS SHE WAS LURKING ON INVIS so chances are it wasn't her kk next
HOPE
ugh hope. i cant imagine why she would bc i love her and all buttttt the thing is IT HAPPENED IMMEDIATELY AFTER SHE LOGGED ON. IMMEDIATELY. LIKE NO BREAKS. so that's...really suspect. i hope she didn't do it bc i really like her and would like to go to f2/f3 together but :\ idk it was really odd that it happened as soon as she signed on. it could have been a frame but i doubt anyone besides me in this game would go through such effort
JACLYN
wtf do you mean was it me of course it wasnt me this isnt a detective movie where the detective ends up being the culprit you idiot fuck off
JEFRA
she...probably could have accidentally. because she isnt the brightest. but they all HATE her so why would they not sell her out. so yea idk. confusing
ANYWAYS THAT'S ABOUT IT I AM CONFUSED BUT I THINK I'M MOSTLY ONTO THINGS HERE
now anyways that thats over with...close to the TC deadline, an interesting development occured.
so apparently alec decided to tell the boot(john k) he was going for whatever reason even tho he's not going to jury which doesnt make sense to me, i woudlnt risk that shit especially with an idol in the game. but w/e THAT MADE JOHN K RUN TO COCHRAN AND SAY "OH NO COCHRAN M'DEAR, IT SEEMS I NEED AN IDOL ALAS"...so cochran came up to me and said "John K says he needs that idol bad."
i laughed so hard im not gonna lie
BECAUSE JOHN K DIDN'T HAVE THE BALLS TO ASK ME HIMSELF
HE ASKED HIS LITTLE BUTTBUDDY COCHRAN TO COME AND ASK FOR HIM HAHAHAHAHHAHA
oh please if you arent even going to ask me yourself, you think youll get MY--keyword being MY--idol??? hahhahahaha no you clearly arent close with me and only with cochran so fuck off. so what i did was pretend i was afk. i decided id be "busy" and "not around" until after TC was posted rofl.
why would i give him an idol it would be so retarded
and it was only 30 mins til results soooo i could safely get away with being AFK
so i pretended.
cochran thirstily messaged me constantly over and over for my idol but i didnt even give him the time of day cause im a boss bitch and have better things to do so bye.
anyways yeah i waited till john k got kicked from the group chat to "appear" but ofc i didnt appear immediately that would be so obvious lol i waited like half an hour but not exactly. like 20 minutes or so was a good time. THEN I WAS SO SAD JOHN K LEFT OH NO
((((((((((( except for the part where i wasnt... which was every part.
then blah blah he left later bye dont miss you that much, and then treemail got posted. AND NOW THISSS WAS INTERESTING omg i was quite interested when i saw this treemail like omg
first off it sounded like endurance
which MEANT unless my internet crapped out on me like it likes to do whenever i do endurance challenges bc fml
i could totally own it and singlehandedly win it for my team 8)
and even if i sucked lol i have the idol y'all need me for the merge unless you have a death wish so LOL they have to keep me around i'm immortal unless these people are literally the stupidest people in all the world which is kind of possible because in a world where people like vytas are main cast members and jefra are returnees it wouldnt shock me if everyone else sucked that bad too
Anyways.
there was a thing where each tribe needed to pick a leader and the second i read that i was like
OHHHHHH FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
because last season THIS SAME THING HAPPENED WITH THE ALPHAS RIGHT DOWN TO THE ROUND
so i knew i had to step up cuz i figure im going to be doing something tribe related or important like that and i want the power in that situation, not fucking cochran or jefra or someone equally awful(if it's even possible for everyone else on this tribe to be that bad which would kind of blow my mind bc that would take a ton of effort and i would actually have to applaud the person for willingly trying to suck so much) so yeah that's the only reason why i stepped up lol. ill probably be useful in the challenge too if it's endurance because i have no life BUT STILL that wasn't why i stepped up at all it was because i'm a selfish bitch who wants all the power not of any wanting to help the team don't get me wrong okay? okay
im already thinking through all the possible scenarios of what the power could be and ill let you know later but yeah im pretty sure itll be something that alters the tribes and its like WTF HAVEN'T WE HAD ENOUGH OF THAT HAPPEN ALREADY WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU its really rude to have so many tribe swapping things you evil jerk
anyways while i was writing this apparently morgan is telling bob dawg that all the girls are ganging up and he is next and he absolutely must flip and take me hope court and jefra out
LOL WTF
is she an idiot
i wanted to work with her in this game bc i liked her but really shes kind of shown me that all morgans are awful tbh. every morgan i have ever played with has basically sucked and she is only continuing this pattern. from now on whenever i see a morgan mcleod in the game its going to be a giant red alert telling me to stay away because im serious they are all literally just bad news.
but yeah apparently she doesn't find me valuable so i don't find her valuable either, bye bitch, i'll slay you, cunt. ^_^
anyways i feel like once again there was more i wanted to say but i forgot bc i wrote so much it all got ~lost in the void~ so maybe ill write more later if i cant sleep but idk.
I NEED MY REST IM SRY.
He seemed receptive and forgave us in the group chat and seemed to understand. either way i doubt COURTNEY apologized bc she has been saying she wanted Cao gone so hopefully even if things go awry for the two of us who campaigned for his exit, she would be the target and not me. thats really all that matters is not being on the bottom, if i'm second from the bottom then oh well, but i'm not on the bottom and that's what's important. even if i'm not everyone's number one allies (i actually dont think i'm anyones which is a problem indeed) i can be their number two or three and that works just fine for me getting through to the merge. I can worry about finals crap later bc i feel like those plans have been severely lacking, but w/e it's a long game with a long way to go so I don't mind.